I don’t know what I’m good at anymore.
My whole identity has always centered around a skill. Whether it was excelling academically or playing handball or just in genereal being a good kid. And while I was always good at these things, I was never great at anything. I’ve never been the best or the first one to do anything. I’ve never found that combination of loving something and actually being great at it.
And then I found acting. And I loved it. It was the highlight of my day. Of my week. Of my year. And I got really great responses from people who’s opinion I felt that mattered. And fuck if that didn’t feel great.
But now; now, I don’t even remember why I love this. And I have lost all the confidence that I once had. Because I have no belief in my skills anymore and I have no faith in the things that I have been told.
I don’t trust anyone. I don’t trust myself. And my stupid, fucked up mind is responsible. And for once, I don’t know how to fix it. And it is so very frustrating to have something so close, but still too far away.
